just tell him i said nine months
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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