Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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