shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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