when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize