I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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