never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
