I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's just like the Real World with babies
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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