my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
