had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
