so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
