it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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