Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
