went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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