Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
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