fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize