My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
