hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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