I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
