i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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