Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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