A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
