you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
