I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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