We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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