It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
