You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
