It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
