So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
