He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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