Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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