You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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