these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
