I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
