my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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