ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
