if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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