I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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