Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
