I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
