You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
