I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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