The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
