You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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