i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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