Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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