She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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