Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
