Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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