Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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