hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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