I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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