guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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