My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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