peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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