I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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