I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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