I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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