I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
