I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
