I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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