i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
