just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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