I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
